Day 357, some days controlling myself from making an impulsive decision out of hurt, frustration, or anger is the hardest thing I can do. Keeping myself from blurting out words, I would love to say in retaliation or to keep myself from physically acting out in the way I feel is almost uncontrollable. Admittedly, the loss of control sometimes is overcome by the feelings that crushed my heart, broke me down, and or infuriated me and I react.
I strike back and the once one-sided slaughter of character defamation now becomes a fight until the end. The confrontation fully engaged becomes a war to see who can say/use the most hurtful, damaging terminology, use the most descriptive adjectives too completely, and utterly destroy the feelings and heart of the other. One would think upon walking into such a scene that the two individuals were each other’s worst enemy; however, not the case.
The worst most hurtful verbal battles I have had in my lifetime were with the ones I loved/love. The words I spoke and the hurling demeaning acquisitions I flung were fragmented sentences I could never imagine using let alone towards someone I loved, so why did I…?
If you had asked me this question in my early twenties, I would have said it was a justified response to a provoked attack. This was just a way for me never to assume the responsibility for my actions. I let “Myself,” rule many situations in my life.
Now, if you asked me the same question I would share with you, “I was wrong,” I am wrong to act out of anger and hurt. I am wrong to let “Self,” control what I know to be the right thing to do or the right way to behave. I still have moments where “Self” attempts to overcome me and I react; however, the difference between then and now is the accountability I have to someone greater than I.
God shares with us in his word we should be slow to anger, hmmm, why do you think that is… I believe it is to save us from ourselves.
One can understand this by exploring the following scriptures-
James 1:19-22 and 26 (NIV, ©2010)
"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires...
26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless."
In other words, righteousness defines the behavior of our actions according to God’s word.
I may not be able to change how another person behaves or reacts verbally or otherwise, what I can do is change and control how I react to a person.
Therefore, today I will place a watch over my words and place a leash on my tongue in effort to change my(SELF) to (SELFLESS).
It is not all about me…