Day 355, took my thoughts towards transitioning. Transitioning in life is a never-ending perpetuating cycle that tends to wreak havoc for me until the transition is complete. The havoc tends to be perpetuated through and by the anticipation of the unknown.
I used to be the person who would find herself in a state of panic at the outset of change. Change to me was like a bad word; a word that had control over my entire being both physical and emotional. Any logic or reasoning I had would instantly dissipate and my overactive emotional state would debilitate my physical being.
There were times I would find myself in bed for days on end feeling ill and weak- literally. It was not until my last episode where I felt completely incapacitated that change would occur. I could not force myself to get up and out of bed; instead, I laid there emotionally paralyzed. Thankfully, I had a wonderful friend whom would come by to check on me and help tend to my children. See, 5-years-ago I had six children at home all under the age of 16 and no significant other to help. Needless to say, it was not a very good place to find oneself.
Fortunately, during those "Episodic" days, which felt like an eternity I was shown a connection between the way I dealt or did not deal with the transition of change and the state of incapacitation. For me when I could not deal with transitioning from one area of my life into a new one, I just would not. The stress of making the decision to submit to the inevitable was not conceivable to me. I would analyze and (re)-analyze what I could have done or do to prevent the transition from transpiring.
This was a way for me to postpone the transition simply by not facing it. What I did not know at the time was the change was going to happen regardless of how long it took me to accept it. In essence, I tormented myself to the point of acceptance due to fear- The fear of the unknown and the fear of not being in control.
It took me 33-years finally to understand two things; First, I am not in control and secondly, change and transitions are going to happen, so accept it.
Simple as that…
Some of us, (Me) take a little bit longer to learn the simple things in life while others manage to just go with the flow and adapt easily to change. This also used to frustrate me; why did it always seem like some just knew no matter what life brought to their door everything would be just fine. I often wondered if, “Those people" ever had to experience the type of life situations I had or if they would have to at some point in their life. I guess that is something I will never know.
What I do know is when I stopped fearing the future, stopped looking at others, and started looking to the one who ACTUALLY controls all things my life became more functional. In fact, there are a couple of scriptures I would like to share that ease the transitions in life...
Proverbs 3:5-8 (NIV, 2010)
5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.”
7 “Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.
8 This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.”
So, now when I find my life in a transitional state (such as now)I come back to the scripture and Trust with all my heart that God has prepared a better road for me.
Therefore, I may live in a world of chaos, a world in constant transitional change; I will no longer worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has already been taken care of...