Day 351, triggered some unsettled feeling in dealing with the loss of a loved one. Today I received the news that a family friend had passed away. The last thing I expected to hear when I woke up this morning. I have to admit that as of late I have had some great loses in my life, my Dad, my Aunt, My Grandmother, and now our family friend.
The loss of a family or friend is never easy to deal with or even understand. There are always so many questions and “What if’s” left for us still living. What makes the loss even more difficult to understand is when a loved one surrenders to this life by taking their own.
I do not like to admit it, but I have seen this happen more than I would like to have in my own life. I have lost several loved ones to suicide. The first was a friend in High School that I never even saw coming. My mom used to work with his mom, so we were always at their house visiting. I remember the last thing he ever said to me was, “Nice legs.” Funny, the things we remember…
Then there was my father and I am sure I will be reprimanded for even speaking about this, but he was my father and I have every right to speak-out about what happened if it may help another. My father was the last person, just as my childhood friend that I ever would of thought would take his own life, yet they both did.
Now, today the news of our family friend who sadly enough also chose to end his life in the same way.
I am not sure how most interpret the act of suicide; however, when left standing face to face with it one’s perspective may change.
Therefore, what I am about to share in only my own personal perspective and may be viewed contradictory to how others understand it to be.
I can whole-heartedly say that one of the three loved ones I lost to suicide loved God with his whole heart. I can also say that he had personally accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. This person was my father. So, if he knew and had accepted Christ into his life why did he choose when and where he would end his life?
That was and is a question that still haunts me to this day. This same question lingers and is (re)asked on the eve of Day 351. I know I will not have this question answered until the time comes when I can ask God myself, yet I still ask it.
This leads me to my next question … Will I see my father in Heaven? Do the ones we lose to suicide make it to Heaven?
I know I have read the 10-Commandments and it within the commandments it implicitly states the following-
Exodus 20:13 (KJV)
13 “Thou shalt not kill.”
And again in the following scripture-
Deuteronomy 5:17 (KJV)
17 “Thou shalt not kill.”
And the following scripture-
1 Corinthians 3:17 (NIV ©2010)
17 “If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple.”
This left me distraught and disheartened.
Then I read-
James 2:10 (NIV, ©2010)
10 “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.”
1 John 3:4-5 (NIV, ©2010)
4 “Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. 5 But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin.”
Ephesians 1:7 (NIV, ©2010)
7 “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.”
My father and friend both had come to Jesus and yet had left us in the saddest of ways; however, I will not cast judgment on how they left. What I do know is they could no longer bear this life. The brokenness they must have felt to surrender to death will remain beyond any comprehension I will ever know.
My heart breaks for all of those we lost in this way, and for what they must have gone through. I will continue to ask God to show me how to reach the broken in hopes to save a life.
I cannot say people who commit suicide will not be forgiven and I do not condone the act either; however, what I know is what God’s word says and that is- “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.”
He does not say that one sin is greater than the other- God says, that through the blood of “Jesus Christ” our sins will be forgiven.; “ALL SINS, not just some sins!” This does not mean that it is a free-for-all to run out and sin because it does not. God knows the heart behind the sin as read in the following scripture-
Matthew 15:8 (King James Version)
8 “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.”
He will judge us according to our hearts.
Therefore, I will continue to ask God to help me understand the things I do not and I will ask him to, examine my heart so to stay near to him.