Day 350, a day of peace even though I had to wake up at 5:00 AM on my day off. My daughter had asked me if I would volunteer for a school event she was participating in and my initial thought was, but it is a Holiday… Thankfully, I did not say what I thought as I was thinking it. Instead... I said yes.
My daughter is a senior in high school with only a few more months remaining before she leaves home and heads off for college. Each day is a reminder of the small amount of opportunity I have left to participate in her life at this level.
As I was getting ready to head out my daughter ever so kindly rejected the idea of me riding to and from her school with her, due to her “Other plans”; therefore, at the last minute I asked my son if he would like to tag along with me. Thankfully, he is still young enough to “LIKE” hanging out with, “Mom.”
See, my daughter opted to continue attending the high school she had been, for the past three years, even after we moved. The drive to her school is at least 45-minutes. The roads are not straight well maintained roads; contrarily, the roads are back-country roads with lots of curves and little State maintenance. The country folks know what I am talking about. These types of roads are beautiful roads to drive on a nice spring day; however absolutely worrisome to drive in the middle of winter. Just having someone with me, helps ease my mind.
Once in the car there was a sense of calmness that overcame me. I did not feel hurried in spite of the long drive; I did not feel tired in spite of not being a morning person; I did not resent going in spite of “My Holiday.” Instead, my mind started to reflect on my daughter and the past 17-years of her life…
Wasn’t she just in Kindergarten…?
I know we tell ourselves, “Enjoy them while we can, because they grow up so fast … and fast they do. I know I am guilty for not saturating myself in all the moments that were available to me and now I cannot go back to retrieve those moments.
Then suddenly a montage of memories started to flood my mind- then regret. A landslide of “If only, ‘what if,’ and ‘I should have’” were circling my thoughts for what felt like forever, but in reality only a few minutes.
I am so glad in moments like these God is there to help us with all our rollercoaster of emotions. At that particular moment, it was regret. So, what does the Bible say about regret and how do we handle regret when we are faced with it.
I found the following scriptures are powerful when the past tries to come back and oppress us with regret.
Philippians 3:13-15 (NIV, ©2010) reads-
13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15 All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.
Therefore, my heart may grieve for the loss of moments due to the choices that I had made, I can look to the future and strive for what is to come forgetting what is behind me.
Thank you Father for taking every opportunity to always be there for me no matter how important or not the moment