Day 347, made me think about being still, still from the day-to-day rigmarole of the daily bustle. I remember there was a time when I needed to hear noise, regardless of what the noise. The noise could be as subtle as feet shuffling around the house, or as thunderous as music screeching. I just needed some sign to let me know I was not alone.
This behavior went on for several years, quite possibly even longer. The reason for the necessary noise was due to not wanting to be alone. I went through a time in my life where I was always sick. I spent years and thousands of dollars on medical bills in hopes to figure out what was causing me so much pain. Doctor after Doctor would poke, prod, examine, and prescribe all kinds of medications or fixes for the minor illness they would find; however, it was not until I was 33-34-years-old that they finally fixed the problem.
Subsequently, I lived in chronic pain for countless years. I think I spent more time feeling poorly than I did feeling well. During this time of ill health, more times than not I thought I would depart this life, and more times than not (during that time-span) I wished I could have. I was left feeling worn out, completely helpless, and I thought I was going crazy. Doctor after Doctor told me they could not figure out what was causing my ill health. I came to such a point of desperation I even prepared goodbye letters for my loved ones. At the time, I was married and I remember asking my husband to wake me before he would leave for work; the reason I was afraid, I would not wake up. The last thing I wanted was for my children not to be able to wake up their mother.
Yes, I was in bad physical and emotional-state. Thus, the sound of noise allowed me to know I was still living.
Thankfully, now today I have been pain free for over 5-years. It only took two surgeries, prayer, and faith to arrive at this place. Amen!
Since, my healing and recovering I have become very fond of my time alone and my times of silence. I know the Bible shares with us there are many reasons and times in our life where we just need to be “Still.” So many times, we busy ourselves with the burdens of the world just to have our efforts return to us void.
This is why God shares with us to be patient and wait upon him as read in the following scripture-
Psalm 37:7 (Amplified Bible)
“Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass.”
I used to think when I read the scripture that God wanted me literally to be still. Now, I know yes, there are moments when I need to be physically still; however, he has also shared with me it is not only a physical stillness it is also an emotional and mental stillness. Therefore, in times of silence, I need to remember to turn off the noise inside my head and just listen; listen to what God has for me.
I cannot speak for others, nor will I; however, for me I think the internal noise is louder than the external noise most times.
Therefore, as I go about my day and may not have the ability physically to be still, I will mediate on the following scriptures to silence the internal noise. Thus, allowing my mind to be still and wait upon the Lord, rather it is for instruction, guidance, communication, or just allowing God to tell me, he loves me. I for one would rather hear Gods voice than the sound of my own.